


Meet the Millers

by the_problematic_parts



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Incest, Kissing, M/M, Mabel and Dipper are 16, Sibling Incest, Uncle/Nephew Incest, Uncle/Niece Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:26:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29492781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_problematic_parts/pseuds/the_problematic_parts
Summary: Dipper comes home, embarrassed for never having had kissed anyone.Luckily, he has a loving family that is willing to teach him a couple lessons ... maybe a bit too many lessons, maybe push it a bit over the line, but whatever.They're alone in the woods, and this is just "harmless" fun.
Relationships: Dipper Pines/Ford Pines, Dipper Pines/Mabel Pines, Dipper Pines/Stan Pines, Ford Pines/Stan Pines
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Meet the Millers

**Author's Note:**

> i have no excuse for myself.
> 
> we were watching meet the millers and this just popped into my head. i cannot help it. but hey, thats what this profile is for.
> 
> i wrote this in 30 minutes tops. not edited, not reread ever since ive finished it five minutes ago.

Dipper dropped to the couch and cupped his cheeks, huffing.

,,Bad day?" 

Dipper flinches. He didn't notice Stan was there, and he would swear he must have teleported in, now that he is aware of his presence, it's hard to not notice the obvious smell of cheap cologne, cigars and a little bit of beer.

,,Yeah, I, uh, I guess so," Dipper straightened up and leaned against the couch, throwing his hands on the air for a bit before he made them fall down on his thighs.

Stan nods and makes a small sound of acknowledgement. He doesn't really want to bother the kid with questions, but curiosity gets the best of him. He takes a sip from his beer, now drinking freely in front of the kids as they've grown older ,,What happened?" 

,,Nothin'." Dipper mumbles and his eyes droop as he starts to watch the grass swing in the evening breeze.

,,Really? Nothin' happened? What a terrible day, huh?" 

Dipper rolls his, eyes, hating to be teased that way ,,Well - I was - I was with that Candy girl, you know? The one that Mabel always hangs around with?"

Stan hums ,,Asian," he remarks.

,,Yeah," Dipper sighs through his nose, mouth curling into a pout ,,Yeah, I was - I was with her, and we talked and she -" he cuts himself off, embarrassed to confess what really happened.

Stan starts to laugh ,,Don't get upset," he gives Dipper's back an encouraging slap ,,Come on, there's plenty fish in the sea," 

,,No! It's not that - it's that she - she leaned in to kiss me," Dipper cringes dragging both his hands across his face. He doesn't want to say it to anyone,east of all Stan - but he feels that a weight might drop from his chest once he does, and so he just ... tells him.

,,Well that's the opposite of a problem," Stan says, not minding Dipper's enternal turmoil as he sits besides him.

Dipper's palms are now covering his mouth, so his words sound mumbled, mainly to Stan's old ears ,,No! You don't get it - I panicked and hugged her instead!" he leans in and places his elbows on his thighs, letting out a desperate sound.

Stan laughs again, this time the sound forces him to jolt up forwards ,,Oh - poor kid, that's no reason to come here all huffin' and puffin' and moping around the yard," he leans back again, muttering ou a teaseful note: ,,Could've at least mowed it,"

,,Wait," Dipper just now uncovers his face, turning to his great-uncle ,,You saw me walking around? Why didn't you say anything?"

Stan just shrugs, clueless about the answer too. He just simply guessed that Dipper needed some alone time.

Dipper crosses his arms ,,I've - I've never even - grunkle Stan, when was the first time you've kissed a girl?" 

,,Uh," Stan chokes on his beer, adjusting himself in his place as the gears turn in his head so fast Dipper can basically see it ,,Fifteen, yeah, I was fifteen, a year younger than you are," he reminisces, remembering sweet young Carla. 

Dipper writhes, cringes, and then again covers his eyes ,,Oh god, I'm hopeless," 

,,Come on - you just need courage," Stan puts a hand on his great-nephew's shoulder, squeezes, and shakes him a little, as if trying to bring him back to his senses ,,And some practice," 

Little did Carla know that Stan practiced a lot before he finally kissed her.

,,Where am I gonna get practice?" Dipper asks, tone irritated as he lifts his gaze and squints his uncle's way.

,,I dunno, you got a sister, no? She's kissed a lotta boys, she'll know what you should do," Stan suggests, seeing the fear in his nephew's eyes as he says that - he doesn't quite understand the reaction, truth to be told.

Dipper's mouth falls wide open, so do his eyes, all due to immense disbelief ,,I'm not gonna practice kissing with my sister," he protests, tone turning high-pitched and strained, annoyed that Stan would ever say that.

Stan chuckles. A sound Dipper never took in mind when he thought about his great-uncle. This conversation someone struck a nerve within Dipper's body that has him ... a bit confused, if we shall be honest. 

,,Ah, well do it with Ford - I know we practiced kissing all the time when we were boys, we're practically masters at it," Stan shakes his beer can, liquid faintly splashing around. He takes a tiny little sip, then hands it to Dipper.

,,There's so much wrong with what you just said," Dipper says as he takes the beer can from his great-uncle without a speckle of hesitation, more focused on the conversation than what his hands are doing really. He lifts the can, showing it to Stan as if to ask what shoukd he do with it.

,,Take a sip, then kiss me," Stan commands.

,,What?" Dipper's tone goes high-pitched. He backs up, scurrying away to the other end of the couch.

,,You heard me - how else can you kiss the Candy girl if you cannot even kiss?" Stan points to his mouth, grinning with his yellowing teeth ,,Come on, a pity kiss,"

Dipper gulps, shaking his head furiously ,,No - well, I - well, I don't want anyone to see, also -"

,,Who's gonna see?" Stan laughs, slapping his knee to punctuate his point ,,I'll teach you the basics, then Ford can move you onto the advanced level, and if you're lucky, your sister might get you to master the art,"

Dipper stands his ground, face twisted in disgust - not even directed at Stan, but at himself for finding the fantasy ... appealing? No, that cannot be right. He and Mabel are the ones with the most morals of the bunch, he cannot ruin that dynamic ,,No, because I'm not kissing family members,"

,,Ah, that's what'chu got the liquid courage for," Stan tightens Dipper's hand around the beer can.

Dipper looks away, then hesitantly scoots over to his great-uncle, and when he finally gathers the courage to look him in the eyes, he places a request ,,One kiss," he says, lifting a hand and stretching out one finger.

Stan scoffs ,,We'll see about that," he takes Dipper's jaw in one strong hand and presses his lips against his nephew's.

Dipper parts his lips, feeling Stan use this advatage to pour his tongue inside almost immediately. He swipes his tongue gently around Dipper's mouth, and when Dipper's tongue finally comes to life and presses against Stan's, Stan breaks away.

For a minute, Dipper is star-struck. Oh god. That wasn't bad.

Stan is meanwhile, giggling, Dipper realizes quickly, a blush flashing his face.

,,Not bad, too much tongue, though," Stan takes the beer can from Dipper, finishing it as it seemed to have been a desire of Dipper's to ever drink it himself.

,,You did the same -" Dipper jumps to defense, wiping his mouth in the back of his hand.

,,No I did not - watch." Stan shot back, leaning back towards his nephew to kiss him again.

They stay lip locked for a few long seconds - Dipper tries to touch his great-uncle, but everytime he puts a hand on his shoulder, on his chest, or even on his leg, he pulls away, afraid to keep his hand lingering on the older man's body.

A few rough steps, the sound of the back door opening with a creak, and then Stanford stood on the back porch, waiting to see whether his brother, grand-nephew will notice him first, or whether he should announce himself instead, hopelessly wishing they aren't way too deep into the flush of their bodies pressed together.

Dipper opens his eyes. He catches a glimpse of red, and the sight of a long coat moved by the wind. He pushes Stan away ,,Grunkle Ford!" he announced, making Stan turn around slowly to give his older twin a questioning look ,,This isn't - this isn't what it looks like - !" he tries to excuse the situation, and Stan looks at him strange - has Dipper already forgot what he said to him? He and Ford did this all the time, he won't have a problem with this, for God's sake!

Ford puts both of his hands on his hips, licking the front row of his teeth ad he analyses the view in front of him ,,Yeah? Because it looks like Stanley is teaching you how to kiss out of pity," 

Aha, Stan was right!

,,Then it's ..." Dipper sighs and looks down ,,Then it's exactly what it looks like," 

,,How come? Has something happened?" Stanford's voice is soft, and he folds his hands behind his back, turning to Stan for an explanation for these antics.

,,Poor kid hugged a girl when she leaned in for a kiss,"

,,Oh," Stanford makes a sympathetic sound, taking a short stroll towards the couch and sitting down behind Dipper.

Dipper's heart skips a beat - Stanford cannot - he will not - oh no, he can't -

,,What'd you teach him so far?" Stanford asks, large hands resting on Dipper's shoulders. He taps his fingers against the clothed skin, and everytime he does so, Dipper descends deeper and deeper into this madness.

,,Just the basics - not too much tongue, should stop opening his mouth so much," 

,,Oh, too much tongue can be pleasant, you know," Stanford uses his hands to force Dipper to face him ,,Can I show you?"

Dipper yelps, and then lets his great-uncle lean in and kiss him tongue first - the surprise of it all overwhelmed Dipper entirely. 

Ford's tongue bends and twists inside his mouth, pressing flat against his. Dipper takes the hint from Stan's hand nudging at his thigh, and repeats the motion that Stan showed him earlier.

Stanford pulls away, making eye contact with his twin. They seem to have a wordless conversation every single time they lock eyes, always looking at the other as if they knew some terrible secret - and now Dipper is part of it too, oh christ ,,Oh, you taught him that, didn't you? Good riddance, Stanley," Stanford says, in the tone he would compliment any sort of Dipper's scientific accomplishment, any of Stan or Mabel's suggestions that he's find a liking for.

,,Yeah - now come on," Stanley's hands are at Dipper shoulders instead now ,,Show me what my brother taught you," His hands creep to Dipper's neck, and he pulls him in for an another smooch on the lips, this time wetter as Stan has licked his lips the whole time he watched his nephew and twin make out.

Ford watches the two with an intense look in his eyes, grinning like a child when they break away from each other and Stan's eyes are wide in shock, a small ,,Woah," escaping from his mouth.

,,Now, come on," Ford turns Dipper around, and, by now used to this, Dipper initiates the kiss first. His mouth lapes across Ford's, tongue held at leash as he kisses him suavely. It's a proper kiss, although the boy seems to lose his grip on the technique after a moment, and accidentally bites into Ford's lip. Ford yelps.

,,Sorry," Dipper averts his gaze.

,,For what?" Stan chuckles, gesturing to Ford ,,Seems you did good,"

,,Yes, at first," Stanford puts a hand to his bottom lip, then looks at his fingers for any traces of blood - there are, thankfully, none ,,But he bit me - you have to keep your composure, Dipper, focus on your intellect, remember?" Ford cups Dipper's face ,,Here - you'll show this to Stan," he kisses him deeply, corners of his mouth pressing against the corners of Dipper's.

Stan watches, a comforting hand on Dipper's back, rubbing in circles. He cannot help but bite into his lip, feeling his slacks grow tighter and tighter by the minute.

Ford and Dipper finish, and Ford knowingly nods Stan's way, urging his nephew to turn around, and drag Stan in for a shameless kiss.

It's hot, and it's clumsy for a second, until Dipper does this wonderful thing with his tongue that Ford knows Stan adores. 

Stan opens his eyes, glancing at Ford - he gives him a sweet smile from behind their grand-nephew, placing a small kiss on Dipper's nape.

Stanley hand is now around Dipper's waist, holding him close as he refuses to let go. They can barely breathe - Dipper is curling his tongue around Stan's, and he can exactly pinpoint where the tip is, exactly pinpoint where the tongue ends. It drives him wild to have his slick muscle entangled against an another man's - it's simply too much.

Dipper pulls away, short of breath - his hands stay at both sides of Stan's suit jacket, holding for his dear life. He immediately turns around and grips a good fistful of Ford's famously messy sideburns and forces him into a kiss, repeating Stan's movements from before.

,,Anyone seen -" Mabel shows up, catching the three men in their heated exchange ,,Oh," 

Dipper pulls away, breaking into a cough as he has accidentally inhaled a bit of his - or maybe Ford's saliva.

,,Oh, hey, sweetie," Stanley greets his nephew non-chalantly, grinning wide at her. Mabel is holding a bag of chips, and giving everyone a confused, even accusing look. Stan points to Dipper, and then to his brother as he speaks ,,We're teachin' Dipper how to kiss, me and Sixer over here - so that he doesn't go all weird and dry and too much tongue on that asian chick he's been trying to score,"

Stan explanation seems to have Mabel jump in her place, clap and squeal ,,Oh! That's so sweet of you two - can I take a picture? Of Dipper's first kisses?" 

,,Yeah, why the hell not," Stan shrugs, and turns his head back to Dipper, who was still leaning from the couch, looking at his sister with his eyebrows connected in a worried frown.

,,Wait, what if someone -"

Mabel interrupts her brother's complains, walking over to stand opposite the couch. She whips her phone out ,,Come on," Mabel blows a non-caring raspberry ,,Who is gonna see, anyways? We're all alone in the woods, and besides, no one ever looks into my phone," she lifts it, and with a one smooth swish across the screen, she's opened up the camera ,,Come on, let's document this sweet moment - Dipper's first kisses! Go!" and unbeknown to the three men, she starts recording.

Stan kisses Dipper sweetly, then Dipper turns around and like on command kisses Ford, then back, and then forth, and back and forth, until Mabel cannot help but zoom in on everyone's groins ,,Ooh, it's like a boner parade in here," she laughs, teasing.

Dipper pulls his pants a bit lower, trying to hide it ,,That's not - that is not what's happening," 

,,Don't worry, Dipper, it's a natural reaction," Stanford rests his chin on Dipper's shoulder, and with that, his brother surprises him with a peck on the lips. 

Mabel 'Aw's.

,,This whole ... incest thing is so weird," Dipper shakes his head, breathing becoming shallow, as Ford presses against him and he can feel his straining erection at his back.

,,Why? It's fun?" Stan shrugs, kissing Dipper again.

,,Grunkle Ford - your weird-ict?" Mabel asks, zooming in on Stanford. She put the 'weird' in verdict. Sweet and smart.

,,I think it's a scientific fact that we're all freaks," Ford kisses Dipper, a gentle, six-fingered hand lifting the boy's chin up.

,,Is it?" Stan teases, a hand on Dipper's thigh tracing up and down the twitching muscles.

Stanford lets out a satisfied groan when he and his nephew separate, a stubborn web of saliva connecting them before it fall ,,Trust me, I'm a scientist," Ford gives his twin a quirk of his eyebrow, and Stan gives the same gesture back. Dipper immediately turns to Stan after the kiss, and kisses him back, showing him what he was just shown. Meanwhile, Ford massages Dipper's shoulders.

,,Woohoo!" Mabel shoves her phone into her shorts' back pocket and forces herself to sit between Dipper and Stan once they pull away ,,We gotta do more of this -" 

Mabel was going to follow with that sentence, but her great-uncle put a hand on her neck, and turned her head towards him, until they shared a kiss as long as Dipper and Ford did.

,,There, show your sister what we taught you," Stanford's eyes flicker Mabel's way - he doesn't enjoy women, but he surely does enjoy seeing her mouth open as she begins to taste Stanford's lips on Dipper's.

Dipper knows this is over the line.

He still leans in, tongue moving in swift, unfamiliar ways that have Mabel melt into the couch.

,,Oh, woah!" Mabel giggles, exited. She throws her hands around her brother's neck, turning around to face Stan.

Stan and Ford yet again exchange that look - like they know something other don't.

,,Now," Stan grins, leaning in to kiss Mabel once, then Dipper, and then he somehow even reaches Ford too ,,What if we took this to the bedroom, huh?" 

Mabel jumps up, dragging Dipper by his hand until he stumbles forwards, forced to stand, erection uncomfortably adjusting against his thigh.

,,Hey - are you sure?" Dipper asks his sister as she leads the way.

,,Yeah, what better way to learn how to make love if not with family?" Mabel says like it's obvious.

,,What the fuck are we doing?" Stanford asks, now unsure whether this is as far as they wanted this to go. He looks down at his sweating palms, then strikes a small glance at the outline in his pants that his brother teases with a single touch.

Stanley then stands up, and tries to catch up with the kids while responding to his twin from inside the house ,,I ain't got the slightest idea, Sixer, but I ain't ever been this horny in my life," 

Stanford lets out a quiet and drawn out 'fuck' before running after the rest of the family with an annoyed groan at the back of his throat - when did everyone get so fast?

**Author's Note:**

> and were at the end. sorry for this.


End file.
